The Rob Blog

The Hike

Gavin loved hiking.

Out here in the woods, with his legs chugging along, he felt almost light. The sun managed it’s way slowly through the leaves and down towards his present location, a rocky bluff on the side of the mountain. He knew he was somewhere in Western North Carolina, but he wasn’t positive of his exact location.

There was one thing he WAS positive of though. Out here he could breathe.

He sat down on the rocks and looked out over the valley below. Far beneath him, the Nantahala River snaked its way through the forest. The steady breeze was moving the leaves in the trees in a rhythm of sorts, and it was hard to hear the river, but every now and again, the two would blend into a beautiful song.

For some reason, being alone here in the mountains made him feel less lonely and closer to God. It wasn’t that he was a pantheist or anything like that, but rather that he felt he could better listen when he was alone.

Back home, things felt…cluttered. His brain didn’t seem to work amidst the constant needs of his job, church and family. He loved them of course, and would do anything for them, but it did make him at times feel tired and unable to process thought.

It hadn’t always been this way, had it? He struggled to remember.

There were a lot of things Gavin could no longer remember. He found as he got older that some memories had crawled into the far recesses of his brain and simply would not emerge no matter how hard he tried. This enraged Shelley, of course. She struggled to see why he couldn’t feel remorse for the things in his past, but how could one be remorseful for something he didn’t even remember?

He slowly stood up and looked down again at the valley. So beautiful.

When Gavin was out here, it had the effect of a prescription drug. The kind of drug made just for him. The kind of drug that could lift his sadness and give him a clear head. The kind of drug the doctors told him didn’t exist for his condition.

He longed for Shelley to join him, out here in the woods. If she would, he thought, she would see me for who I really am.

But was that true? Was the person in the woods the real him or was it simply who he wished he could be? Was the real him the man back home?

It didn’t matter really, because she would never meet the man in the woods. Long ago, Shelley had been hit by a car as she was out walking. It had been a horrible accident, leaving her in the hospital for months and years of therapy afterward. You couldn’t see it now, but every step, even on carpet hurt her a little. Hiking was out of the question.

Sometimes, this seemed to be a good explanation for their entire marriage- Each of them unable to join the other. She couldn’t do the things that set him free and he couldn’t free his mind for her.

Both were cages.

He wondered for a moment, how long they could last like this.

The very thought of being without her made his head reel, and he had to reach out and steady himself by grabbing the nearest tree. He bent over, thinking he might be sick for a moment, but slowly, the feeling dread passed, as it always did. He straightened up, and gazed out over the valley.

Along the tree line in the far distance, he saw a thin black line. For just a moment, the breeze picked up, throwing leaves around him in a tiny whirlwind. The sweet smell of summer rain reached into his senses.

A storm was coming.

Gavin glanced at the ridge one more time. What he would like to do would be to find a dense grove of trees or perhaps a small cave far up in the mountains and sit protected as the storm passed over him. He would like to close his eyes and listen as the rain fell down all around him. He would like to stand in it and let the wet mountain air embrace and clear the sweat away.

Instead, he turned and began the walk back to the main trail that would lead down the mountain and then eventually back to his truck.

After all, a storm was coming.