The Rob Blog

The Trade

It isn’t every day that you get offered the chance to have one free Saturday morning to fish every month. A man would be crazy to turn it down. So why is it that I haven’t taken my mother up on her offer yet?

I guess that would require some explanation.

You see, my Mother is by far, the hardest working person that I’ve ever known. She seems able to bear any weight. She raised my brother and I and once Dad died, she stayed pretty well put together. She has never remarried. That’s probably a good thing, since I don’t think there is a man on the planet that could bear the sure embarrassment at finding out he was that much weaker than his wife…

When Mom finally made the move to Tennessee, she brought with her my Grandparents, Nana and Cappy. It wasn’t long after the move that Nana became terribly ill and eventually died. Mom cared for her up until her death with the devotion that one can only have for their mother.

She has sisters, who visit from time to time, but in the end, it’s Mom who cares for Cappy now, and she has been doing so for years. Plodding along, steady at the wheel, every single day. No help in sight. She has long ago stopped going to Church. Social life? Don’t make her laugh. Her best friends are her home-bound Father and her grandkids. (all under the age of 7)

My brother and I help when we can of course, but this is that time of life when young men throw themselves into their careers, and that doesn’t leave much time for, well, anything.

The most amazing thing is that she never complains. Never gets too tired. I can only imagine that happens at night, just before bed when she falls into a deep sleep. It’s the kind of sleep that is interrupted by her coughing, incontinent, elderly father.

So, a few months ago, my mother approached me with an idea. She would swap me a Saturday a month. I could go fishing on my day and she would watch the boys. (Typically, April is doing her Masters homework, so I can’t fish since I’m running the show.) On Mom’s day, I would watch Cappy and my boys while she does whatever she wants.

Now, this would be a no-brainer if it weren’t for the incontinence of my grandfather. I have changed plenty of diapers in my day, but it’s one thing changing your kid and another thing entirely to change your grandfather. I have done it a few times, and it isn’t something you get used to.

The idea is terrifying to me.

To be honest, I don’t know that his ego can even take it. He has a familiarity with my mom that he and I don’t share.

Now, here’s the rub. I also feel convicted that I need to do this to help my Mom out. God knows, she’s been at this far too long by herself. The scriptures tell us to care for the widow. I shouldn’t need a fishing day to be the incentive. Just the fact that mom is alone should be enough. It sucks that I’m so uncomfortable and selfish…

So, I think I’m going to do it.

I’m not exactly excited about the idea of learning hands-on elderly care (ironic eh, given the fact that I work in the elder care industry…trust me when I say that I really admire our caregivers who do this sort of thing every day all day.) but I am excited about giving my mom some time to herself.

Ok people, new adventure… Ready? Go.