Posted by Rob | Posted in Blogging | Posted on 30-01-2010
Tags: camouflage, hedges, justice, snow, winter
Well, it finally snowed here, so I’ll talk about that for a moment.
I live in Southeast Tennessee, but I grew up in Merrillville Indiana, just outside of Chicago. My entire childhood, I can only remember two snow days. I’m not saying there weren’t others, but I can only remember two. I guess my point is that snow days were few and far between, and it wasn’t for lack of snow. We had tons of the stuff. People shovel driveways there like hillbillies here decorate their front yards with old garbage that nobody else wants.
Anyway, here in Cleveland Tn, they use every available snow day, but rarely are they used on snow. In fact, typically, schools here typically close for something called “threat of snow” which really means “cold and overcast.”
So on Friday, when schools closed, I laughed as I usually do. Then, the snow came down hard, turning the streets into a treacherous maze. Cars were sliding off the road and colliding with one another all around me as I drove to get the boys from my Mother’s house. Once I got them loaded, the roads near her were particularly dangerous. At one point, we were heading up a hill and the truck just began sliding backwards. Even in first gear, we barely made it over.
Once we got home, I geared up to go outside and play with the boys. This gave me the chance to try out all of my Remington brand hunting camo that April got me for Christmas. We played outside for a long time, and I’m pleased to announce that I stayed super warm, despite the elements.
Now, on to the subject of Justice.
At the end of my street is an intersection. On one side of this intersection is a row of hedges. I suppose that the hedges are perfectly fine enough…Green. Well manicured. You know, very hedge-like. I have never been an enemy of hedges. In fact, hedges and I have, historically, gotten along famously. In my long 35 year run on this Earth, I’ve only had an issue with one row of hedges, and it’s this one.
At this point you may be asking what my beef with these hedges is, and I’m not afraid to tell you.
You see, these hedges are hell-bent on my destruction and the death of every person who dares approach this intersection. In case you haven’t guessed yet, the hedges are too tall and they make it impossible to see the oncoming traffic.
Now, people have been complaining about these hedges for years, but the owners simply don’t care. Apparently, these hedges have been in that very spot for a hundred years or so. At least that’s what they tell people.
I have even spoken to our city councilman (who happens to live directly across from the hedges and out of the danger zone) and he simply grins and says that he “knows they are difficult to see around, but what can you do?”
On several occaisions, I have thought that perhaps some enterprising students from the college or maybe an angry soccer-mom who had experienced a near miss at the intersection, might go after those hedges with a chainsaw. No such luck. It would seem that these hedges would remain forever on the corner, taunting us with certain death.
So, imagine my surprise as I finally pulled on to my street yesterday, after braving the crazy Cleveland blizzard, to see a red sedan sitting in their yard, precisely where the hedges had once been. Yep. In the terrible snow storm, someone had lost control and slid across the intersection and directly through their hedges. I came to a stop in front of their house and watched the owner staring at the damage. Finally, I spoke.
“Bummer. Sorry to see your hedges got hit.”
“Yeah.”
“Bad storm.”
“Yeah.”
“I guess on the bright side, you will never have to feel bad for causing a horrible wreck on this corner now.”
“…”
“Anyway, sorry about your hedges.”
